Curvy Girls of the World, Unite!

The Plight Of The Curvy Girl

First off, I'd like to say a big thank you to Kim Kardashian and Sofia Vergara for making their famous figures so well, in style. Crazy, right?! Crazy that a body part or type is en vogue. Not that I'm complaining. I, too was overly blessed in certain areas and although I am not comparing myself to them because they are really incredibly gorgeous women, I can relate.

By the way, boys...curvy does not mean fat! It means curvy, which means voluptuous and feminine. In my dreams I have the legs of a 12 year-old Asian boy so I can fit into every piece of clothing I try on but alas, my legs are built to press 200 lbs. so, I ask, whom would you rather be with in a dark alley? Yeah, I thought so! 

I am a late bloomer and always have been. Heck, I only started my career at age 37. When I was in college, no matter how hard I tried to get A's, I was given a big C+; actually, two of them. Right on my chest, that is. I weighed 115 lbs and I'm 5'3" tall. Most of that was in the back and in the front. Suddenly, no matter what clothing I wore, I seemed to either look cheap or pregnant.

You see, curvy girls can't wear baggy clothing, empire waist or skinny jeans with a man-tailored shirt (thank god that is out of style!!). 

Sure, runway models look awesome in potato sacks but put one on me and you might want to call a marine rescue group and roll me into the ocean. Protrusions in the front and the back seem to act like Velcro and clothing just gets "stuck." And you can bet that potato sack is a bunch shorter in the back! 

Please don't get me started on jeans.

Everyone always asks me, "Why do you always dress up?" I've worn skirts or dresses most of my life. The answer is, they don't make jeans that fit me, so unless I have clothes custom made, I'm stuck wearing a ball gown to Six Flags. 

After the birth of my daughter, I gained a lot of weight. When I first started my business, I was more than chunky. Profoundly plump would be a nice way of putting it. The thing that I realized is I became nonthreatening. People were nicer to me. Men and women alike. I suddenly became very approachable. This is something I had never experienced in my lifetime and I loved it! It has been difficult for me to lose weight because of this.

When I'm thin, my proportions are almost identical to Marilyn Monroe's (I just read an article quoting her dressmaker- she was a size 4!). Chicks don't dig that very much and men get the wrong impression. It's crazy how people judge you by how you look. In high school, people thought I was easy. I wasn't at all and if you ask anyone who dated me then, they will tell you the truth. Right, Todd? Like, as if the way your body naturally looks defines your personality or behavior. That's just silly! 

In junior high and high school, when everyone was wearing baggy champion sweatshirts and Keds with gigundo sweat socks forming "cankles", I was wearing miniskirts and tighter shirts. I wasn't trying to show off. I was just trying to not look heavy. I often feel like I'm playing dress-up; like I'm a little girl raiding mom's closet when I wear loose-fitting clothing. It just doesn't work for us ladies with ahem, "dimension."

Being a Mediterranean woman, I've always loved food. i've heard Sophia Loren being quoted as saying, "I owe my body to spaghetti." I get it, Sophia. I really do. My love affair with food has sometimes turned to hatred. I found myself at times struggling with bulimia and anorexia, and sometimes simultaneously. I just wanted to be flatter, thinner. I wanted to fit in with the ideal beauty standards I was seeing in magazines and on TV. My curves always brought me unwanted attention. 

The first time in my life I became at peace with my curves was when I was in my early 30's. I met a few people during that time who told me that I was the most amazing person on the inside. I heard it so often that it made me think that there might be some truth to it. I suddenly felt powerful and larger than life because when I looked at myself on the inside, I realized that my true beauty was there. It was the first time in my life that I felt confident because of who I am and not what I look like and I reprogrammed my brain. 

I started doing charity work and started focusing so much on the things in life that are truly most important like relationships with friends and family and caring for others. And I no longer cared about what people thought about me. I still don't, twelve years later. Inner peace is the biggest gift I ever gave to myself. 

My weight may go up and down, my curves may get larger and smaller, my face is sagging my eyelids are falling, but at age 42, I've never felt more beautiful because I finally feel comfortable inside my voluptuous outer shell. It's a part of me and I am a part of it. And there ain't no escaping. Happiness comes from the inside and that is what we should focus on.

I'm still waiting for large, strong thighs to be in style, but I digress...ha! 

If you are a little bit rounder and softer than you would like, please know that you are beautiful; inside and out. Curvy girls of the world unite! 

Mrs. Claus And Santa- Verge Of Divorce

Santa flees middle of the night- claims custody of the reindeer!

SHOULDN’T THESE KIDS JUST BE HAPPY WITH ANY TOY? WHY ARE THEY ASKING FOR SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE?

It takes a lot to get me angry. It’s difficult for me to even say the word. Think Richard Gere in Pretty Woman, “I’m ang-gry.”

I’m peaceful, loving and I calm others down. Cool under pressure and always seeing the positive outcome, even if it’s in the distance. 

But here’s my beef: The whole idea of Mrs. Claus For A Cause is to grant wishes. The kids want what they want. Whether your child is privileged or under-so, kids see what their friends have, what’s on TV and when given a chance, they let you know that the coolest, latest toy or game is something that they covet.

“Dear Santa,

Please bring me a blue Power Ranger but not the one with the bent arm.  And I also want a red bicycle with training wheels and a blue bell.

I love you Santa. You are the best!

Love,

John”

Poof! Wish granted.

That’s the idea. We give the children what they ask for to instill hope and to help them believe in something.

The children we are working with are “at-risk” and what does that mean? Many have 0-1 parents present in their lives. Many are in foster care, some are in homeless shelters and they are neither being fully nourished in their bellies nor their souls.

SO SHOULDN’T THESE KIDS JUST BE HAPPY WITH ANY TOY? WHY ARE THEY ASKING FOR SOMETHING SO EXPENSIVE?

We are not Toys For Tots. NO. The children shouldn’t be happy with just anything.

Think about this- a diner waitress takes your order for over easy eggs and rye toast and instead she brings you a turkey burger. She clearly wasn’t listening.  You are disappointed. You send it back.. You don’t even eat TURKEY! So why should a little girl who asks Santa for a Frozen doll be happy with a toy phone?

These kids are extremely grateful. I have experienced it myself firsthand. Some of them even write in their letters that if Santa can’t afford to get them what they want they will be happy with any gift. And that touches my heart.

But that’s not the point. We have to get these kids what they ask for because we are far more like Make-A-Wish than Toys For Tots.

The magic is in Santa. He is listening. He cares. He makes a TREMENDOUS effort. He flies around the entire world in one day, for cryin’ out loud!

If a 5 year-old child asks Santa for a bicycle for Christmas or a video game system, that child does not know the cost of that item. And that child should not settle and just be happy with anything at all.

This all being said, Mrs. Claus needs major help.

I do apologize for bombarding your walls with post after post and for attempting to contact news outlets and anyone who has ears or eyes to solicit their help but the truth of the matter is, I am scared. I am scared that the children will be let down.

300 children still remain without donors and/or funds to purchase their gifts.

I need help because one thing Mrs. Claus realized after being a single mom for 5 years is it is hard to do this thing we call life alone. Life is better shared and easier shared. Santa, elves and reindeer are all needed or Christmas just won’t work.

I thank you for your love, your generosity and your time. I believe in this cause with all of my heart and I thank you for the amazing people who do also.

My hope is to reach the goal of bringing every child their gift to their Christmas party on December 19^th because failure is not an option.

To make a donation, please visit Mrs. Claus For A Cause on http://www.gofundme.com/gfp9m8?forcedesktop=1

$5 helps. And it all adds up.

Love to you all and if you see Santa, tell him to come home. I need some help around the house.  

Mrs. Claus over and out.

XOXOXOXO

Top Ten Questions To Ask Your Interior Designer BEFORE Hiring Them. #10 is the BEST!

A designer is a helpful tool to help you plan and decorate your space.

A designer can also save you a ton of money if you hire the right person.

See below the Top 10 Questions You Should Ask to Avert Disaster.

Prospective clients looking to hire me ask me many questions during the interview process but there are some key questions that are almost never asked. Here are some tips from my end so you can save yourself some time, money and aggravation.

First let me start with a scenario that I have experienced a few times:

Client: Hello? Is this Jennifer Scully Designs?
Me: Yes. How can I help you?
Client: I want to do some construction and decorate my living room. How much will that cost?
Me: Well, I would have to see your space and get a lot more information before I can help you with a budget.
Client: How much do you charge for something like that?
Me: Gosh, I'm sorry but I don't know the scope of the project just yet.
Client: I need to know if I can afford a designer and you can't tell me how much you charge for some construction and a living room? Where did you go to school?
Me: I'm so sorry but if you can let me know a bit more about your project then I would be more than happy to help you in any way I can. I am very efficient, affordable, freindly, professional and you can get my discoun...
Client:...If you can't tell me how much then.,,Thank you very much. Goodbye.

"Buying" a designer is not like buying a toaster that you can shop out on Amazon, Target and Wal-Mart's websites. When you are dealing with a creative person, you truly do get what you pay for.

You cannot expect the same product, level of quality, service or talent from designer to designer. Talent is the key here. A designer is an artist, a therapist, a space planner, an architect, a solutions and logistics expert, a marriage counselor, a color and fabric expert and so much more.

Designers also work in all different ways. Some designers sign long-term contracts, some charge commissions on items, even if you buy them yourself. Some charge full retail and some offer you their discount. So, the price per hour or price per job really can be quite irrelevant.

Here are the REAL questions you should ask:


1. What is your hourly rate?
2. Do you charge commission if I purchase something myself?
3. Do you sign contracts and if so, what is the term/length?
4. Do you offer discounts on items purchased directly through manufacturers?
5. Do I have to purchase everything through you or do you also recommend items from other resources?
6. Can I work with my own contractor or do I have to use yours?
7. Can I purchase things on my own?
8. Do I have input into the design process?
9. Do you offer choices or just one firm design plan?
10. DO I LIKE YOU?

An interior designer will be in your home, will pet your dog, will be meeting with you and shopping with you for a while. Would you want to spend the day shopping with someone you don't like? Would you invite someone over several times if you aren't comfortable with them?

Go with your gut. Ask the right questions. Any other questions for me, please feel free to ask.
jenn@jenniferscullydesigns.com
www.jenniferscullydesigns.com
www.discountdesignerfurnishings.com

Choosing The Perfect Kitchen Paint Color

In order to avoid coming home from the paint store with 900 paper swatches that you might tape to the wall or buying 79 little sample jars and painting little squares all over the place, you must first limit your choices.

If you have an existing kitchen, take a look at your countertop.

If you have a granite or marble countertop, chances are there are a few colors streaming through it. The best to look for painting any sheetrock portions of the kitchen is to pick your favorite color out of that stone countertop and paint your walls that color. That way you are sure to love it and you can be certain that it blends well with your color scheme.

If you have a solid colored countertop, take a look at your backsplash, your cabinet color, your floor color or even something like your favorite dish towel or serving platter. Take cues from what you already have in your space and there you will find the perfect paint color.

If you are putting in a new kitchen, always start with the floor.

Choose the perfect floor. Is it wood? Is it tile? Is it vinyl? Make your selection and then take a sample of your flooring to the cabinet showroom.

Once your cabinet finish is selected, bring your floor sample and your cabinet sample to the stoneyard to select your countertop material.

Now that you've got a gorgeous counter, bring your floor, cabinet and counter samples to the tile store and pick out the perfect backsplash that ties everything together.

Bring a paint deck with you to the tile store, so now you can see your floor, cabinets, counters, backsplash and paint colors all in one shot.

And if your budget is running low, don't discount washable vinyl wallpaper as a backsplash. It cleans beautifully and can look fantastic!

Colors and textures in a kitchen aren’t a mystery. What pulls it all together is not magic, but really thoughtful choices and the ability to see everything together before it’s installed or even ordered.

I am constantly called in to help decorate after the renovations have taken place and mistakes have been made. I much prefer when my clients have me come in from the beginning so we can avert disaster.

Did you know that hiring a designer who works the way I do costs less than if you buy everything on your own?

I hope these tips can help take the guesswork out of choosing the perfect color for your kitchen. As always, I'm here for advice or whatever you need. Feel free to reach out to a professional if you're stuck or if you want to take advantage of serious discounts.

Feel free to contact me: jenn@jenniferscullydesigns.com
www.jenniferscullydesigns.com
www.discountdesignerfurnishings.com

Fit For a King?

Here it is in the middle of the night. After my way-too-late cup of coffee, I ponder life, love and contentment.

I use the word "contentment" in lieu of happiness because happiness is fleeting. An underlying sense of peace mixed with moments of excitement in my opinion is the perfect recipe for happiness. Without that foundation of peace you are just on a bumpy roller coaster at a bad carnival right after polishing off a corn dog and some Dippin' Dots.

My child is so happy right now. My work is amazing. Both of those aspects of my life are filled with peace and moments of excitement as am I. The one thing I'm missing is someone with whom to share it all.

The difficult part is to envision what will happen in the future. I have had crystal clear visions of exactly what I want which I have meditated on and those visions have magically appeared and became reality, but then...there's always the fizzle. Like an apparition; whether it's been my dream job, my dream man, my dream anything, it all comes to me right after I wish for it and then POOF! It's gone.

We create our own destinies, right? I am pretty good at seeing things in my brain and making them happen but no matter how hard I try to do that I seem to encounter obstacles at every turn. It's like the Universe has other plans for me. What's that movie about the people who cheat death but then all die anyway? I don't know. I've heard about this elusive thing called a "movie." I don't have time for frivolous stuff like that these days.

When speaking of my dating woes: not meeting the right quality of people, not liking most, finding other workaholics with no free time, people with more baggage than I could possibly strap onto my strong back, etc., my friend told me tonight that no one is good enough for me. If that's the case, am I to settle or to be alone? Because I don't seen another choice here. I'm very content and I am an only child so being alone is not an issue but alone forever? That's a long time. When I asked my best friend who might be good enough for me, because someone has to be, (right?) she responded, "A king."

A king. Right. Good. Fine.

So, I am no longer expecting Prince Charming to ride up on his stealthy steed but his father. That's why he's taking so long. He's a little older and his gait is slower. Hopefully this king still has most of his teeth in tact but really, teeth are pretty unimportant now. Of course, this is what happens when you turn 40.

My Dearest Lola

To My Dearest Daughter,

First off, words cannot express how much I adore you and your smart, funny, confident personality. Please don’t ever lose that and don’t let anyone try and take that away from you.

You are special, different and uniquely you. People will like you just the way you are or they can take a hike. Don’t try to change for anyone but do constantly learn, grow and strive to be the best person you can be.

Each day is a new day to be your best.  If you ever finding yourself dreading Mondays, ask yourself why and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! I love Mondays. Mondays signify a rebirth, a wealth of new opportunities; a time each week when I can try to do better, be better and get smarter.

Embrace change. Change is the only constant in our lives. Be okay with moving.

As your mom, I feel the need to say, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry I have to work so hard. I’m sorry I have to work such long hours. You see, no matter how well I do, I still don’t make enough. I am working on that, My Love. And each day I find better and better opportunities to be able to have enough for us without sacrificing too much time. I do want a life outside of work and I want more time with you.

I wish your life to be much easier and much less bumpy than mine. I wish for you all the things I used to wish for like everlasting love, a white picket fence and a wonderful life filled with learning, travel and laughter. I’ve had that many times and I do cherish each precious memory.  In the recent past, we’ve experienced less of that stuff and more of the stressful stuff and for that, I am also deeply sorry. Things are getting better each day and soon you and I will be on a wonderful vacation together.

Always remember: Happiness is an unattainable goal. Perfection doesn’t exist. Peace of mind, confidence, knowing you’re a good person; a strong, smart person who can solve any problem life may throw you…that is an attainable goal. That is something you can do. I hope I am a good example for you in that regard. Life isn’t always happy but it’s about creating more moments of excitement than not and it’s also about knowing how to deal with yucky stuff when it comes up.

Dance the tango while you’re doing dishes, sing your heart out while you’re stuck in traffic, practice your best tap dancing moves while on line at CVS.

Create your own excitement. Be yourself. Express yourself. Love yourself as much as I love you.

Love,

Mama

Look, Mom! I'm on TV! Home Staging Tips and Tricks

I would like to thank Elizabeth Cassidy, Stephanie Stern, Waldo Cabrera and Verizon who created this video with us on staging a home.

Huge thanks to Pete Sobierajski from JP Services who donated not only his own services but donated a whole team of men to help this elderly homeowner who so desperately needed to sell her home.

I had an amazing time!

Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU3qfiz8VfY

What didn't make it into the video:

We spent $2,900 and staged this entire home in one day.

$1,100 spent on paint, slipcovers, bedspreads, lighting, kitchen cabinet knobs, throw pillows and small decor items.

$1,800 spent on labor for a team of highly-skilled men

What exactly did we do to stage this home?

We:

painted the outdoor furniture, mailbox, living room, dining room and kitchen

removed all extraneous furniture and decor items

repurposed all remaining furniture

rehung existing artwork

cleaned, organized and merchandised all rooms in the home

replaced window treatments in living room, dining room and guest room

replaced lighting in the bathroom, living room, dining room and kitchen

removed all family photos and personal items

removed old carpeting

repaired screen door

painted front door, mailbox and house numbers

organized backyard furniture

then we cleaned some more


The result? Instead of sitting on the market for a year incurring price reduction after price reduction, this house sold in a couple of months for a very fair price.

If we had more than one day and more of a budget (Pete Sobierajski from JP Services and I shared the cost and donated our services so the homeowner didn't have to pay for anything) we would have done more, however, he positive results of even small improvements to the home before it goes on the market are evident here.

Sometimes all you need is professional advice and good, old-fashioned elbow grease. :-)

Please enjoy our video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DU3qfiz8VfY

Contact jpservices@ymail.com for any phase of construction or remodeling.

Kick-Start Your Weight Loss

A bunch of you have recently asked me for more weight loss tips, so here you go.

Since I have always been more of a Marilyn Monroe body type than say a Kate Moss, I have always struggled with 10-15 lb fluctuations. On a short girl, even 5 extra lbs looks like a lot. My body wants to be voluptuous. I used to want to be skinny. Now I just want to be healthy. I recently did what I have written below and it yielded tremendous results.

I have mentioned this privately to those of you who have been interested in the nitty gritty details of a relatively easy and no-brainer weight loss aid. The place to start is fiber.

Now, yes, what I am recommending here is tree bark (cellulose) and it's not the greatest thing to eat all the time but it's hard to eat 7,000 prunes a day or to get enough fiber to get your body clean with fresh food so I cheat a little with this when I need a jumpstart. I will leave the frequency and longevity of this up to you but this really works and works quickly and safely.

Fiber One Cereal is one of the only "easy" foods found in every supermarket and most drug stores that will give you enough fiber to cleanse your body.

The original Fiber One formula contains 57% of your daily fiber needs and the Honey Clusters formula contains 51%. Either of these cereals is a great way to cleanse your body naturally without flushing your system with juices or those "Hollywood" diets, which actually only dehydrate you and can be quite dangerous.

If you don't like the cereal and need another alternative, Gnu Foods makes bars called Flavor & Fiber. They have 12 grams of fiber per serving and are great if you are on the go. Fiber fills you up and satisfies cravings.

Increasing the fiber in your diet cleans the cilia in your colon. Doing this not only promotes weight loss and healthy body function but it also can help prevent diseases that stem from having plaque build-up in your colon.

Add coconut oil, hot sauce, flax seeds and tea to your diet. Remove pasta, rice and ALL sugar and ALL processed foods. Green coffee beans work, Tonalin works. My thing is I forget to take pills. I'm a healthy girl so I'm not used to taking anything on a regular basis but I always remember to eat breakfast so this is, in my opinion, the easiest thing to do to at least get you on your way.

Eat one bowl of this cereal below with skim milk every morning within 20 minutes after waking. Add almonds, fresh berries, flaxseeds, whatever you like and make it a complete and really satisfying meal. 

Eating as soon as you wake up is a signal to your body that it should rev up its engine. If you can force yourself, even though you may not be hungry, you will absolutely burn more calories and feel much better.

For the rest of your snacks and meals, please eat real, fresh food: fruits, vegetables, nuts, seeds, meat, poultry and fish. Limit carbs for the rest of the day. If you can make everything you eat organic, free-range, no hormones, no antibiotics, all the better. What's faster than fast food? Fruit. It's faster to run into a store and buy an apple and some almonds than it is to go to a Drive-Thru. Plus you'll have more energy, you'll feel better and look better. 

Drink water and tea. Even diet soda plays with your insulin production. A mango tea with a fresh mint leaf and some Stevia is just as satisfying. I am a coffee girl myself (with milk, no sugar) and can't seem to give that up. It doesn't seem to interfere with weight loss.

After two weeks of eating this cereal within 20 minutes of waking you should drop a clothing size or more.

Say no to "Would you like to make that deluxe?" (french fries) and say yes to burgers wrapped in lettuce with hot sauce. Eat two. Skipping the carbs and sugars after breakfast will make you feel lighter. Feeling lighter makes you in turn eat less. That's why this is a jumpstart.

I went from a size 10 to a size 8 in two weeks just by eating this cereal and without making any other changes in my diet or exercise regimen. I went from an 8 to a 6 within four weeks. Then, depending upon my day, I either ate small meals throughout the day or at least a larger lunch and smaller dinner (try not eating after 6 or 7 PM). I always drink lots of water, even in the winter. This is all a start and the beginning step is easy. 

It works for me. Try it and see how you do!
 

http://www.amazon.com/Gnu-Foods-Flavor-Orange-Cranberry/dp/B000VZENSE/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1375206432&sr=8-1&keywords=flavor+and+fiber+cranberry

Ode To My Father

I wrote this poem below today in about 5 minutes. It wasn't planned. It just happened.

A little backstory: My father died of a drug overdose when I was four years-old. It was a tragic accident, some said. Some people just couldn't handle their drugs, others mumbled.

When I was sixteen, my father's mother called me to tell me she was dying. She had some things of my father's that she had wanted me to have before she passed. My grandmother handed me an orange leather suitcase and told me to go through it when I got home.

Inside were my dad's high school yearbook, his bronzed baby shoes, a few Polaroid photographs, some of my stuffed animals from when I was a baby and a sealed envelope with my name on it.

The letter was a note written to me by my father explaining that he wasn't a good dad, couldn't be a proper role model and I would be happier without him. He described his death as planned. It was a suicide. Since no one was with him at the time of his death, no one had known exactly what had happened to him. But there in my tiny dormered bedroom in the two bedroom Cape Cod in which I grew up; on that sunny afternoon when I was a sophmore in high school, I found out the truth.


Ode To My Father

You were born out of love
But that love quickly waned
A tumultuous childhood stole your smile
You grew up, you fell in love
And soon a child had his child

You played the part, you did your job
You tried to make it work
‘Two children raising a child?’
I say now, with a smirk

Your anger, regret and angst quickly made you sick
Your disease soon overtook you
And there was no turning back

There was no high that was high enough
That could help you free your mind
From the demons of your past
Looming close behind

You tried to be good, you tried to be there
But you just couldn’t do it
You said I’d be better without you
And you made quick work of it

A father should be there in mind, body and spirit
You took your life for “my sake” instead
Though I didn’t want to hear it

Leaving is a selfish act though you claim it selfless
For there is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled
That feeling on occasion is relentless

I must forgive to get me through
Around my mind it’s hard to bend
Why you thought I didn’t need you
I can never comprehend

We all have struggles we’re not unique
But it’s in how we deal with them
That’s why I choose to stay, face and fight with the best of them

My daughter is now 7 with smiles upon her face
Because her father chose to heal instead and occupy her space

The most powerful thing, Dad, is that history is not repeating in this very important case

My Meeting With Usher

In 2004, just after my marriage dissolved, as a newly single woman trying to make my $3,700 per month Manhattan rent any way I could, I became a singing, acting, modeling, make-up artist. I piece-mealed a living. It worked. I enjoyed the freedom, the flexibility and the chaos working all those jobs provided me.

The year-long Enrique Iglesias tour I was on had just ended and instead of singing for 110,000 people in London or on TV in front of millions on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, you could have found me singing at weddings, bar-mitzvahs or any clubs or restaurants in NYC that would agree to pay me. On my days off from performing, I took to driving to Long Island to help my mother by working in her chocolate shop. I miss that chocolate. My mom closed the doors to her confectionary empire about 4 years ago. 

The tour manager from Enrique's camp with whom I had become friendly called me up one day and invited me to an Usher concert at The Garden. "Usher? Who's that?" I was so busy working during that time trying to scramble up an income that you wouldn't have been able to catch me chilling out on the drive to LI listening to the radio, bopping along to the latest tunes on Z-100. Instead I was on the phone making deals or racking my brain to figure out the next step in my life. And since I worked nights and weekends as a singer, I couldn't make it to the bars or clubs so I lived under a rock, pretty much. I really didn't know anything about this Usher dude but I wanted to support my friend and his new 'little tour job thingy,' so I said yes. 

I was promised front row seats but when I got there I was told that Naomi Campbell, at the last minute, had purchased every seat in the first three rows of Madison Square Garden. Apparently Naomi and this "Usher person" were dating at the time. The venue was sold out. There wasn't a seat in the house; a mishap that won me the rare privilege of watching the show from the stage. The feeling that night was electric. My viewing area was actually a 1'x1' section of wooden floor in "the wings", a theater term used to describe the sides of the stage behind the curtain. I stood there for the first few minutes of the show, which was mind-blowing, when I was suddenly nudged. I looked over my shoulder for a brief second but then turned back to watch the show. A moment later I got a shove; I mean a really big shove out of the way. When I looked next to me to see who could be so rude, it was none other than Diddy. Diddy, who, despite his clout, had an even smaller section than 1 square foot  in which I had to stand, so he stole some of my prime space. It was my second time being that close to him. You can check out my first Diddy meeting on my blog. 

After about 5 minutes of trying to ignore the smell of too-strong cologne and enjoy the show, I took notice of my surroundings. Diddy's entire entourage had slowly seeped in. They completely infringed upon my space and I was muscled out of the way. My tour manager friend noticed my predicament, grabbed me by the hand, ran me out front to the second row of seats on the floor in front of the stage and said, "Here. Is that better? Naomi and her camp all cancelled. No one's showing up. You have the whole three rows to yourself, Darlin.'"

And there I was. And there he was. It was me and Usher, Usher and Me. I should preface this by mentioning that I sang at Madison Square Garden the previous year and the way the lights hit your eyes, you can only really see the first two or three rows in the center on the floor and since I was the only person sitting in that entire section...He was supposed to be looking out at Naomi Campbell and her 80 or so friends but they "flaked out" at the last minute and just I was there instead. It was me and Usher, there on that night; virtually alone. An intimate concert pour deux. I felt so uncomfortable. Because all he could really see was me, he made eye contact throughout the whole show. His presence is strong and his stare intense. And even though I have years of musical and dance training, I was suddenly feeling like this awkward white girl with no rhythm because I didn't know the music.

Usher was and still is very handsome and he commanded the stage like Michael Jackson. He owned it. His demeanor was smooth, sexy, strong and he sang and danced his ass off. Every good performer uses crowd participation by turning their microphone toward their loyal fans so they can sing along with the music. Usher likes to do this a lot; I would imagine that singing and dancing for the entire show gets tiresome so a little help from the audience is probably necessary. Since I had never heard any of his music before in my life,  every time he did that, I sank in my chair a little deeper, nodded and politely smiled. He looked so deflated. He was almost becoming angry; perhaps not at me per se but at Naomi and then at his management for not filling the front few rows with, well, at least fans when his girlfriend blew him off. I know from experience, the energy a performer gets from the crowd is so crucial to the performance. I totally ruined his night. 

After the show, my friend took me backstage to introduce me to Usher. I could tell he was a little pissed. He was wondering why I came. His mind was racing. He was speechless. Then he said, "I saw you out there. In front, right? That was you?" I said, "Oh, yes that was me. I'm so sorry that I don't know your music. My friend Bill told me you are really talented and I should check out your show so I came to support him. Great job, man. I really enjoyed it." Usher responded "I could tell" in a sarcastic tone. I am pretty sure I was the only woman Usher shook hands with that night who didn't at least almost faint. 

Usher, I'm sorry for that night. I'm more sorry about your girlfriend. And thank goodness you're not still dating her. Good move!

How Well Do You Know Yourself?

I am constantly amazed at the number of people who don't seem to know much about the subject they should get straight A's in. Themselves.

There are few things I know so much about but then again, I am an only child and I have had quite a bit of time to think.

It's obvious a person isn't too well-acquainted with himself when he's asked, (and please don't ask), "So, tell me about yourself." (which is like the worst non-question-that's-really-a-cop-out-in-command-form ever) You'll get, "I'm a doctor. I studied at Yale University. I'm 32 years old. I grew up in Boston." And more fantastically interesting and min-blowingly deep answers like that. Is that who you are? Is what you do to make money or where you went to school- is that what defines you? I actually NEVER ask someone what they do for a living unless they are super-quiet, we're only half-way on a drive from NY to FL and I'm plum outta questions.

The more meaty questions are: What is your passion? What are your dreams? Goals? What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone? What is the one thing you could change about yourself if only you could?

A few things I already know about me: I crave chaos so I create it by procrastinating, rushing, creating impossible to-do lists or daily tasks. I need to feel accomplishment. I can't sleep with the door closed. I think too much. Conversely and yet simultaneously, I let my heart decide too often. I eat when I'm stressed. I hate taking out the garbage and running errands. I abhor food shopping or any shopping for myself. I haven't worn my 'dry clean only' clothes in 10 months because I just can't get myself to go to the dry cleaner. It's the wrote and mundane and I hate it! I hate mean people and being cold. And cold, by the way, is anything less than 60 degrees- only because cold is so relative. And now I'm done with that part. I don't like the word "hate" and only reserve it for those select items.

I would probably steal your chocolate when you're not looking. But then I would buy you some more...online. Did ya hear me when I said I hate shopping? 

I pick at my cuticles. I deprive myself too often.

I know that there's no such thing as perfect but I still always try. It's a losing battle, so I breathe and let it go, but tomorrow I may just try again. I am the definition of insanity in that case. I attempt to win approval from those whom are so difficult to give it. I fail and then...try again. I have been called "crazy, but in a good way" more than once. I can be really fun!

I challenge myself and set goals which I always achieve (some I am in the middle of achieving as I write). I am sensitive yet strong. I am on a good path. I can't change. No one can. So it's about acceptance. I accept myself. I'm always trying to be better and do better and I believe everyone should but in the end, we will still be ourselves, only better. Know that about your own damn self and everyone around you. People don't change! P-e-o-p-l-e d-o-n-t c-h-a-n-g-e.

Favorite place on earth so far? Italy. Next dream vacation? Brazil, maybe. The rainforest seems so magical, don't it?

I used to dance naked in front of the mirror when I was alone. Now, I work. I'm trying to change that but it's a process.

Enough about me. Let's talk about you:

Where would you live if you could choose anywhere on earth?

If you could trade lives for a week with anyone living or dead whom would that be?

If you could ask Martin Luther King, Jr. one question, what would that be?

Who would you rather see as our next president- Bill Gates or George Clooney and why?

What makes you cry?

If you were living on a deserted island and had plenty of fruit and nuts would you take up hunting or fishing? I'm saying you don't have to for nutritional purposes. Yes? What are you, a savage?

You're at the movies and you can only choose popcorn OR Goldenberg's Peanut Chews. Which one? Quick. There's a long line!

What makes you laugh so hard you start crying? Well, go out and do that right now and then tell me about it so I can laugh with you.


Please ask yourself these important questions and others- just keep going. Take one of those dating quizzes like the 17,000 page one on eharmony.com because if you know yourself you then possess the key to making yourself happy/satisfied/peaceful/fulfilled; even for a moment, an hour, a day, an hour a day, whatever it is. You can't rely on others to give you the feeling of happiness, peace or acceptance or what you need at the moment.  And remember, a happy life just consists of more fun moments than not, so don't be afraid to tip the scale. Make good choices. Choose to not be angry or frustrated. Choose instead to laugh it off. No one has it easier or harder than you. It's all how you process it, handle it and most simply, look at it.

Dating Horror Story #?

Online dating is for creeps. Who said that? I breathe deeply and begin my story.

So this story takes place awhile back. I'm telling this story just now, hoping enough time has passed that "he", the subject, will forget to look me up. All names, most places and gory details will be changed to protect the innocent.

I was contacted through an online dating site by a gentleman who is a few years younger than I. He had these piercing blue eyes, that shone even through my computer screen like pale blue spotlights. They were as large as saucers; like a beautiful doll in a very expensive toy store. He seemed very nice and super-interesting but yet didn't say much about himself except that he is a writer. A writer. Nice. Creative, thoughtful, insightful, intelligent. Love him already.

I googled him, saw his photo, saw that he is in fact a writer, read one piece of his, saw a video of him on a major TV show and knew it was safe to pass on my phone number. I had asked him to call me but he never did. He preferred email. Okay. He's a writer. Fine.

We made plans to meet for one drink in NYC. I worked a full day, showered after work and hauled my butt to the city. When I arrived in Manhattan, I received a text from him that he would be late. "Ok, no problem" was my answer. I went to the spot he had chosen to wait for him. It was a very noisy bar/club with a doorman, red velvet rope and filled with half-naked 20 year old kids. I walked in, pretended to see someone in the back and when the coast was clear I promptly darted toward the ladies' room.

My head was pounding from the Boom ba-boom-boom Super Bass after being there for 14 seconds. How would I get through an hour or more at this place? How would this guy be able to hear a word I said? I looked at msyelf in that ladies room mirror and said, "Self? You gotta get outta this joint and pronto, Bub. Ya hear?" So I ventured out onto the Manhattan street in search of a more suitable place, all the while, trying to conjure up a reason why I changed locations so as to lead him away from the thought that I'm not "fun" or "cool" enough to meet at a club.

He sent another text, another excuse, another half hour or more. He's really late now. It's been an hour. I'm already here. What to do? Turn around and go home or display my go-with-the-flow attitude?

I walked east in an attempt to find another place in the neighborhood we could meet that would say I'm a cool chick but I am a quiet, romantic chick. I stumbled upon a bar on 2nd Avenue and walked in for inspection. When I opened the door, like a vacuum, the smell of what must have been 47 years of dried, spilled beer and vomit sucked me in and filled my nose. Maybe a choice like this would prove that "I can hang?"I stayed for about a minute and when I found out there was a punk band setting up I decided to keep walking. And walking. Nope. There was nothing else around. I was wondering if I was in some kind of bizarre vortex. I was in Manhattan and couldn't find a place to meet someone? I walked downtown.

I meandered a few blocks down and came upon a fire house with an open garage door. As I neared the opening, I noticed a few firemen standing right in the doorway. I approached the group of strapping lads wearing tight t-shirts with a deep breath and a smile. Upon closer inspection, my jaw began to drop as it looked like they were in the middle of the meeting to decide which one would be chosen to be on the cover of the NYC Firefighter Calendar. Hunky, tall, strong and wow, to say the least.

I looked around their semi-circle, wiggled my way in and waited politely to say, ahem, "Excuse me?" They all stopped and stared at me like I was a baby gazelle with a wounded leg in the middle of the African grasslands during a drought. I asked them if they could recommend a place in the neighborhood to have a first date. "It's a blind date", I said, "and he's 1 1/2 hours late." One fireman, Mike, introduced himself. He told me he lives on Long Island and he was getting off in 20 minutes. If I could wait, he would be happy to take me anywhere I wanted. I sheepishly giggled and gracefully declined, stating that I had made plans with someone and wouldn't want to stand that person up. Mike said, "Well, anyone who leaves you stranded for this long can't be worth waiting for. If you change your mind, you know where to find me." Then Mike told me about a place just down the block that was a quaint a quiet, dark and romantic place to grab a drink. I went there, ordered a drink and made myself comfortable. Two or three more texts later, my date showed up. Almost 2 1/12 hours late.

He began by asking me if I knew who he was. I said no. His mouth fell open and his already silver dollar sized eyes grew even larger. He went on to tell me about how he is famous and kind of went on to say that I must live under a rock if I didn't know of him. Well, I do live under a rock. I own two businesses and I'm a single mom with 5 pets. When do I have time for TV, reading, going out, keeping up with pop culture, etc.? I'm lucky I have time to shower! This guy was very disappointed that I wasn't impressed with him, his celebrity friends or his phenomenal name-dropping skills so the date went nowhere and we cordially parted ways. He said I should start singing again and he would take me out for karaoke but I didn't think that would be the best idea and it never happened. Narcissism is a disease that can't be cured and I don't want to even co-chair a charity like that.

I want to thank Mike the fireman from Long Island for making an awful night so much better at least in retrospect and Mike, I should have waited the 20 minutes for you and told famous boy that I wait 2 1/2 hours for no one. Firemen are truly heroes.

Turning 40

Is 40 the new 30 or are we just fooling ourselves (or filling ourselves) with Botox?

I turned 40 on October 25th of 2012, though it's still hard for me to believe. FORTY. It's such a dirty word. Still. Really? I didn't think so. I thought that all changed. I don't feel old. I actually feel like I'm 26. I have no idea why I chose 26, just sounds like a good number, I guess.

When you tell people you're 20-something or thirty-something they say things like, "Oh, you're still a youngin'" or "You have so much more life to live." When your response to the question of how old you are is "Forty", drop that F-bomb and step back because you get hit with all sorts of ammunition; it can feel like laser-like shots from a water gun filled straight from the garden hose on a hot summer day and just as shockingly cold. You may hear, with jaw in dropped position: "WOW!" or "Really?!" or "You look good for your age", "I would have never guessed FORTY", but never, "You're still so young!" Those days are gone, my fine forty friends.

Something happened between October 24th and October 25th of last year. I became old. I turned. I spoiled; passed my expiration date if you will. It must be the whole female biological clock thing. Mine is ticking exactly as it should be, with the precision of a Timex. I feel great. No complaints.

What upsets me is the double standard going on here, as men who are 40 can snatch up much younger women. Although I do receive advances from men who are in their 20's, I just don't see that ever working and I never take those boys (sorry boys) seriously. Impossible. Poor Demi Moore. I don't blame Ashton a bit. He was just too young to be able to see into the future. He's like a big kid and he wants kids. Demi just couldn't be there for him in that way but me, I still have time. Hey, Ashton? How YOU doin'? Kidding. I'm much more of a Justin Timberlake fan. Maybe it's my touring days that affect that decision but JT wins, hands down. That man has got some soul, depth and incredible talent.

So, my fine-feathered forties, we all get so caught up in day-to-day "stuff" with the job, house, kids, marriage, divorce, what have you and we sometimes forget to check in with ourselves.

Here are a couple of things I think about and if you recently turned 40 like I did, some of these things might be helpful to remember:

* Feel proud (hey, you've been alive a loooooong time ;))
* Eat lots of veggies
* Hydrate inside with water, outside with almond or coconut oil
* Look forward and be present
* Forgive your family/friends (hey, who knows how long we all have left? Ha!)
* Sleep 8 hours per night
* Set goals
*Tick something off your bucket list
*Be generous of yourself
* Be kind in everything you do
* Kiss and hug your children
*Make children if you don't yet have any (they're pretty cool)
*Know the difference between saying "I love you" and actions of love and act, damn it. Act!
* Learn something new (the art of basket weaving, perhaps?)
* Breathe deeply
*Call your friends
*Make appointments with yourself
* Stretch your body
* Open your mind
*Listen
* Don't put anything off
*Save for retirement
* Start today!

I feel now that after these forty years on earth, I know myself better than ever. My goals and intentions are clear. My path has never been without bumps and twists, but that has been the path of my life and always will be. I crave chaos and don't feel comfortable without it. Now that I know that about myself, I am much more at peace. So, while I don't know exactly how to get there, or which mountain range I must climb in order to reach my goals, I know where I'm going to end up. I'm smarter, more confident, more filled with love than ever.

For everyone I know who recently turned 40, happy birthday. Here's to the next 40. Let's do this thing!

Ode To The Working Mom

I wrote this all this morning

It's what I had to do

No one understands this plight

Except, of course, for you

Because you are the working mom

Your cross you have to bear

Pass this one to your friends

And show them that you care...

Ode To The Working Mom

My hands may be un-manicured

But the dogs are fed and walked

"Play with me, please, Mama!"

My daughter often balks

But the laundry's undone

The cat needs the vet

And many more "To Do's"

If I had 5 minutes in the morning, I (maybe) might read the news. 

After a fuss, we race to the bus

I look down to see

I found us both matching outfits

Clean and static free

Yippee!!

Family, neighbors, friends

Often pitching in

So my perfect little one

Can always wear a grin

Makeup's applied at red lights

My hair is such a mess

"I have 3 inch roots!” I cry as I

Pluck pet hair from my dress

No time to eat

No-no, no time for mom

Should I wake up at 5 AM tomorrow?

I ponder my 6 AM alarm, as time; I beg, steal and borrow

I just can't stop, no time at all

I arrive at my client's home

I pop a mint, grab my bag

Oops! DON'T DROP THE GLASS iPhone! 

My office is my car

Between meetings making deals

As I drive, I reach down

And slip off my too-high, high heels

My back is acting up; I really have to hit the gym

I schedule a meeting with myself

The gym says I can't come in

My identity's been stolen; they need a new credit card

I hand it over, pray it goes through

I feel like a tub of lard

I'm finally exercising

Doing something for myself

Wait! Wait! Wait! My daughter's project…

…I left it on the shelf!

I dart home to get it

I "fly" it to the school

I run into the principal

Who takes me for a fool

Home once more, I change my clothes

I have another meeting

That time I just had to myself was little more than fleeting

Now I have some cash in hand

It's time to do some shopping

Food's the only thing I ever have time to buy

It's not like I go club-hopping

HA!

 TODAY ONLY! WITNESS THE BATTLE BETWEEN 

DAIRY BARN AND THE SUPERMARKET

Dairy Barn wins hands down

There's no time to wait in line!

If I had just one wish

It would be for (a lot) more time

I don't need clothes, I don't need shoes

Don't need a Prada bag

"My child should want for nothing", I say

As I view my cheek in the mirror

What's that? A new sag?!

OY!

I used to be pretty, I used to be fun

"What happened?!"I ask the sky.

“If you don't do it, no one will,” says the sky in the reply

"You'll have to slave to just get by."

I try, try-try-try to show myself kindness

As I do to others

But my life, it just won't let me

Hey, I'd-be-on-a-massage-table-right-now, if I had my druthers

I dream and dream and dream in vain

One day that Universe'll hear me

Why can't my car just drive its own darn self

So I can do other things while it steers me?

Clients calling, ow, my neck, the bus is coming home

I have to make it there in time

And make it with a comb

We rush inside to brush and rush back out 

So much "stuff" to do

We have to beat the clock again

Lots of errands, homework, choke-choke down the leftover stew

My friends say…

Can you believe So-And-So cheated on What’s-Her-Name? Have you heard of the tornado?”

I say, “Who? What? Where? What are you talking about? Does this even matter?"

“Oh, God. I just burned the potato!”

MAN!

Well, we have to fit it all in, somehow

We must fit everything

Perhaps when things finally calm down

I’ll catch up with current events in the spring

With so little time available, I choose my sacrifices

No TV for 3 years straight

It’s off my list of vices

Sorry, Babe but I digress; "Mo-no-po-ly at 8!"

Let's play tent and Barbies

And stay up really late

For these are the important moments

When we're looking back

I hope my child remembers, I think

As she walks on my back...hoping to hear a crack...crack...crack...

"OW! Thank you, Honey. Mommy needed that." 

I love you, my child, with all my heart

One day you'll understand

That doing this is sometimes easier when you have four hands.

But this is not the path I walk

For you, I am so sorry

But with food, shelter, clothes and oodles of love

Please, honey. Don't you worry.

Mommy is all right

And you are just perfection

For you are the most important of all

No matter which direction

Life takes us on a journey

Sometimes bumpy, sometimes smooth

No matter what, you are my love

Let's giggle...and show me those new dance moves!

WHOO! 

I kiss your head as we lie in bed

I read a bedtime story

You close your eyes 

"We did it today," I say, in all my glory

For when you smile and sleep with peace 

I feel I've done my job

There is not enough money in the world

To compensate The Working Mom