Fit For a King?

Here it is in the middle of the night. After my way-too-late cup of coffee, I ponder life, love and contentment.

I use the word "contentment" in lieu of happiness because happiness is fleeting. An underlying sense of peace mixed with moments of excitement in my opinion is the perfect recipe for happiness. Without that foundation of peace you are just on a bumpy roller coaster at a bad carnival right after polishing off a corn dog and some Dippin' Dots.

My child is so happy right now. My work is amazing. Both of those aspects of my life are filled with peace and moments of excitement as am I. The one thing I'm missing is someone with whom to share it all.

The difficult part is to envision what will happen in the future. I have had crystal clear visions of exactly what I want which I have meditated on and those visions have magically appeared and became reality, but then...there's always the fizzle. Like an apparition; whether it's been my dream job, my dream man, my dream anything, it all comes to me right after I wish for it and then POOF! It's gone.

We create our own destinies, right? I am pretty good at seeing things in my brain and making them happen but no matter how hard I try to do that I seem to encounter obstacles at every turn. It's like the Universe has other plans for me. What's that movie about the people who cheat death but then all die anyway? I don't know. I've heard about this elusive thing called a "movie." I don't have time for frivolous stuff like that these days.

When speaking of my dating woes: not meeting the right quality of people, not liking most, finding other workaholics with no free time, people with more baggage than I could possibly strap onto my strong back, etc., my friend told me tonight that no one is good enough for me. If that's the case, am I to settle or to be alone? Because I don't seen another choice here. I'm very content and I am an only child so being alone is not an issue but alone forever? That's a long time. When I asked my best friend who might be good enough for me, because someone has to be, (right?) she responded, "A king."

A king. Right. Good. Fine.

So, I am no longer expecting Prince Charming to ride up on his stealthy steed but his father. That's why he's taking so long. He's a little older and his gait is slower. Hopefully this king still has most of his teeth in tact but really, teeth are pretty unimportant now. Of course, this is what happens when you turn 40.