My Brief Life As A Valet

The year was 1991.

In an attempt to make some pocket change while in the process of finding myself I applied for a waitress position at TGIFriday's in Rockville Centre. I didn't know that you needed  ton of experience and had to pass these crazy tests to work there. I had no waitressing experience at this point so my interview didn't go so well. As the manager was letting the door hit me in the a** one of the valet guys approached me and said that his company was hiring so I made a phone call, had an interview in the parking lot a few minutes later and got the job. I was elated. A job; any job was great news and especially one that offered so much in cash. Singles to hand directly to John Matarazzo at Paddy McGee's? Awesome. John was a legendary bartender there. He made all the girls swoon. Ah, money. :-)

One night a car sped into the parking lot, zipped around the curve and pulled right into one of the reserved spots up front. It was a Ferrari, if I remember correctly. Ferraris, Lambourghinis and Porsches always got the good spots but we were supposed to park them. Anyway, out stepped this tall drink of man. He was very handsome, muscular and 6' 793" or at least that's how tall he seemed to me at 20 years old and 5' 3". Larger than life he was. Thick, blonde hair, piercing blue eyes and oh, my!

Just as I was catching my breath, I looked over at the guys I was working with and this giant of a man had the same effect on them. They were just as giddy and excited as I was. It turned out that this Goliath was a New York Jet and a famous one at that. I was singing show tunes in my spare time. I didn't know.

About an hour went by, customers came and went, the valet boys and I chit-chatted away as usual. This New York Jet guy came out of Friday's, bombed out of his MIND. He was sloppy and practically falling over. He came over to give one of the guys a tip for watching his car and...scooped me up, flipped me over his shoulder like a rag doll, threw me into his car, locked the door, and drove away with me. Swear to Allah.

I quickly looked around his car to see if there were things like hacksaws or tire irons because my mind was racing and at the time I was watching way too much TV but all I saw were empty vodka bottles and beer cans. Wait...all I saw? That was pretty scary too. He had a vodka cranberry in a Solo cup in his cup holder and offered me a sip. I said a polite, "No, thanks" and then I asked him where he was taking me. He said, "Don't worry about it." I started crying and demanding that he take me back to work. He just laughed and sped down Sunrise Highway headed East at more than 90 miles per hour. I became insistent that he take me back. I began yelling at him and crying even more. He became so sick of hearing me whine that he made an illegal U-turn over the divider and promptly dumped me where he found me, unscathed.

The guys were impressed. They thought it was the best thing ever.

To this day I still have no idea who he was. If anyone out there knows, let me know. Haha!

Maybe I needed this?